The Heero Yuy Files
by asuka02redeva
Summary: Think of a Chibi Heero: Madness and Mayhem in the Past


Asuka02RedEva  
  
Desertrose8310@lycos.com  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of the characters used in this story.  
  
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This is the madness that lies inside one girl's mind when she is suffering from lack of sleep. The content may corrupt your fragile little mind…you have been warned…  
  
(If you do not know who Odin Lowe is, I advise looking it up)  
  
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Code Name: Heero Yuy  
  
Age: 4  
  
Location: Unknown  
  
The boy (later to be known as Heero Yuy) has no memory of the past before he came to live with Odin Lowe…  
  
File 1: Don't Make Eye Contact  
  
Odin: *on colony, just took out another Big Wig, heading towards carrier port* *looks further ahead and sweatdrops*...Is that a kid?  
  
Heero: *waving* Over here! Over here! *jumping up and down*  
  
Odin: Don't make eye contact with it...*quickens his pace, head lowered*  
  
Heero: *waving little flag* Hello-o-o-o-o!!! I see you!!!  
  
*5 mins later*  
  
Odin: ...*turns around*...Dammit he's still there...*practically jogging now*  
  
Heero: *following Odin*  
  
Odin: ...Shoo shoo..go home...  
  
*10 mins later*  
  
Odin: *runs on carrier and yells to pilot* *sits down with a sigh* …*sweatdrops, looks over*…  
  
Heero: Where are we going?   
  
Odin: *sinks in seat as shuttle takes off*  
  
End Transmission  
  
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File 2: The Rules of the Game  
  
Odin: Now look kid, if you're going to live with me you have to kill...  
  
Heero: *face in cereal bowl, tipping it up for milk*...Kill???  
  
  
  
Odin: Yeah, you know, BANG...BOOM...  
  
Heero: Oh, like John Wayne? *makes bang bang gesture*  
  
Odin: *falls over backwards* No, not like John Wayne! Bang as in your dead, and boom as in there's nothing left...  
  
Heero: ...I...see....  
  
Odin: ...Do you really?  
  
Heero: ...Get me more cereal and keep talking, and perhaps every now and then I will nod my head in reply...  
  
End Transmission  
  
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File 4: Eat and be Merry  
  
Heero: *looking in box*...Hey...Where's the prize? *dumps the rest of the cereal out onto the table*  
  
Odin: *playing w/ mini laser gun*....  
  
Heero: *eyes widen and points*…That's mine!  
  
Odin: I bought the cereal *holding prize away from him*  
  
Heero: I ate it! *reaching across the table*  
  
Odin: ....Well I...I...*wagging finger* you sit down and shut up...*shoves another box in front of him*  
  
End Transmission  
  
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File 5: Great Family Dynamics You've Got There  
  
Odin: Alright kid, you've eaten everything in the kitchen. *leans across table* It's time to talk, who are you?  
  
Heero: *doodling*…I don't know…  
  
Odin: Don't give me that, what's your name?   
  
Heero: My name…*looks up from doodles*  
  
Odin: *leans closer* Yes?  
  
Heero: *just as serious as can be* …Not a clue…*goes back to doodling*  
  
Odin: *falls over backwards, twitching*  
  
5 minutes later…  
  
Odin: Start talking or else! *pounds fist on table*  
  
Heero: *gasps as crayon goes off of paper and onto table* *looks up less than impressed that his drawing is now ruined* Look, unless it's sewn into my underwear, I don't have the slightest idea.  
  
Odin: ...Hmmm...well go check just in case  
  
Heero: ...Give me a...  
  
Odin: *holds out gun*  
  
Heero: Going, going! *runs off*  
  
End Transmission  
  
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File 6: Parenting Is Hard:  
  
Old man: *approaches young boy who appears to be holding a small gun* "What'cha got there sonny? A toy gun?" *gasps and waves hands* "Oh, don't shoot! Don't shoot!" *laughs*  
  
Heero: *pulls trigger*  
  
Odin: Dammit kid! I told you not to do that in public! *waving hands and standing in front of lifeless old man* It's ok! Grandpa does this all the time. Nothing to see here, keep it moving...*sweatdrops as people eventually leave*  
  
Heero: He was taunting me...*arms crossed*  
  
Odin: That's no excuse...we've had this talk before. Remember the old woman who pinched your cheek last Sunday?  
  
Heero: *puts gun up to Odin*   
  
Odin: ...Fine fine, I'll get your damn ice cream. Now, just put the gun down...  
  
Heero: *still holding up gun* Double scoop?  
  
Odin: Yes, yes...  
  
Heero: And sprinkles...  
  
Odin: *checks wallet*...Fine, fine...  
  
Heero: *smiles cutely* And...  
  
Odin: Yes I'll get you a damn cherry on top! Hell I'll get you 2!   
  
Heero: ...Thanks "daddy" *smirks and lowers gun*  
  
Odin: ...Kid, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were really my son...and that...scares the hell out of me...  
  
Heero: *sweatdrops*...Gee...thanks...  
  
End Transmission  
  
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Code Name: Heero Yuy  
  
Age: 7  
  
Location: Colony L1  
  
File 7: Coping With a Loss  
  
Odin: *lays dying after being shot by Dekim Barton*   
  
Heero: *snif snif* No…you can't leave me…  
  
Odin: …Don't...cry...kid...  
  
Heero: *looks serious as stomach growls* No you REALLY can't leave me! You didn't leave me any money for food....  
  
Odin: X_X   
  
End Transmission  
  
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File 8: Business Arrangements Through Food  
  
Heero: *walking along muttering* …Great, just great…*stops and looks at old man in alley way* *thinks: No way! This candy bar in my pocket is MINE, and I don't care how much you look at me, it's still MINE.*  
  
Dr. J: *in alley* Would you like to come and work for me?  
  
Heero: *arches an eyebrow*...Hmmm...Do you have food?  
  
Dr. J: *sweatdrops*....Yes? *thinks: What the hell kind of a question is that?*  
  
Heero: Great! I hope you've got lucky charms because I'm starved! *walking off with Dr. J* Hey, do you like candy bars?  
  
End Transmission  
  
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File 9: It's Healthy to Have a Hobby ^.^()  
  
Dr. J: ...Mr. Barton, I'm terribly sorry, but you see, he won't do anything until he's finished his cereal...*looking out at Heero from behind one way wall*  
  
Dekim: *twitching*...Well what box is he on?  
  
Dr. J: *sweatdrops* 15....he says he has to collect enough proof of purchases in order to send away for the mission impossible sabotage kit...  
  
Heero: Dr. J! I'm out of milk! *shakes empty milk carton and looks around*  
  
Dekim: ...Kids today...X_X  
  
End Transmission  
  
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File 10: Kids Do the Darndest Things  
  
Heero: *has his sabotage kit*  
  
Dr. J: *arches an eyebrow* Where are you going?  
  
Heero: ...Out...*looks all innocent*  
  
Dr. J: Well, be back soon we have more training to do...  
  
Heero: Alright...I will…*runs off*  
  
15 minutes later…  
  
Dekim: *sitting on the couch watching a movie and eating popcorn*  
  
News Reporter: We interrupt this program with a special report.  
  
Dekim: *sighs* Just when it was getting good…  
  
News Reporter: The east wall of the downtown supermarket "Snatch and Go" just blew up. It appears the culprit is making his escape with what appears to be... *camera zooms in*   
  
Dekim: *chokes on popcorn*  
  
News Reporter: …A shopping cart of…fruity pebbles cereal??? *sweatdrops* Well, the store is called the "Snatch and Go"…  
  
Reporter: *back at studio* And he's going alright…  
  
Voice: We now return you to the program already in process.  
  
Dekim: ...What the hell are they giving away now?  
  
Dr. J: "Macgyver's: 101 Ways on How to Make Something Dangerous out of Every Day Things." But are you glad to know that the toys he sends away for actually work? *sweatdrops*  
  
Dekim: *looks less than impressed* I told you to train him!  
  
Dr. J: Don't yell at me, you're the one who cut the cereal funding…  
  
End Transmission  
  
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Code Name: Heero Yuy  
  
Age: 10  
  
Location: Colony L1   
  
File 11: The Mission: Fear the Inhabitants of Earth  
  
Dr. J: Alright, are you ready for your assignment?  
  
Heero: Sure, what is it? *arches an eyebrow*  
  
Dr. J: You're going to earth.  
  
Heero: *less than impressed* Why?  
  
Dr. J: Because your mission is to monitor the Dorlian residence...  
  
Heero: ...Why?  
  
Dr. J: Stop asking why, you have an assignment you'll be going to her school…*pops up picture*  
  
Heero: O_O! *twitching on floor*  
  
Dr. J: What? *looks* Oh my...that was Dorothy Catalonia...I'm terribly sorry...this is Relena Dorlian...*pops up her picture*  
  
Heero: ....What...were...those...things? *slowly standing up, cringing*  
  
Dr. J: I believe they call them eyebrows...  
  
Heero: But they look like…  
  
Dr. J: Caterpillars?  
  
Heero: The real furry ones.  
  
Dr. J: Yeah, I hear that a lot.  
  
End Transmission  
  
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File 12:   
  
Dr. J: I'm getting a transmission in from one of the other scientists...  
  
Heero: *looks at the screen*  
  
Professor: Dr. J, everything is on schedule, we are almost prepared for...*CRASH* for...*SMASH*...  
  
Heero: *sees a blur running behind the professor*  
  
Professor: Dr. J, everything is…*CRASH*...everything is ...*SMASH*...dammit   
  
Duo! What did I tell you about running in my lab?!?!?!  
  
*lots of blurs, things go crash and smash and transmission shorts out*  
  
Dr. J: *sweatdrops* and I thought I had it bad...  
  
Heero: *eating a bowl of Captain Crunch cereal*  
  
Dr. J: What are they advertising now?  
  
Heero: *swallows mouthful* Nothing, I was hungry.  
  
Dr. J: *nearly falls over backwards* You were…hungry???   
  
Heero: Yeah. Plus I'd rather eat this stuff any day of the week over the "food" you cook.  
  
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File 13:   
  
*Transmission comes back on*  
  
Heero: *mouthful of cereal*...mhm..Dr...hmphm...J...*sweatdrops*  
  
Duo: *eyes wide and close to the screen* Hello-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o????? Anybody home??? *blinks* I see you! *points to Heero*  
  
Heero: *BIG sweatdrop, stands still...looks around slowly*  
  
Duo: Oh yeah! I'm talking to you!   
  
Heero: ...Oh hell...*slowly walking away*  
  
Duo: Don't walk away from me cereal boy!  
  
Heero: *sweatdrops*....  
  
Duo: What's wrong? Cat got your tongue? *laughing*  
  
Heero: *twitching*  
  
Duo: Man, are you too good to talk to me???  
  
Heero: *choking on cereal, because he swallowed the toy*  
  
  
  
Duo: ...Boy you've been twitching for a long time now...  
  
Dr. J: ACK! My boy!!!! *runs over to Heero*  
  
Duo: ...Oh...*toy hits the screen* *shakes head and looks disgusted*...you really shouldn't eat those. Don't you know they'll be a collector's item someday?  
  
End Transmission  
  
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That's it! Hope you enjoyed, Please review. Just meant to be funny, nothing serious, and remember, you were warned prior to reading. Also, Heero does go to Earth at age 10 in the manga and Dekim Barton was behind training Heero just in case there were any questions. ^.^ Ja Ne 


End file.
